Thursday, February 18, 2010

So, what's the plan?

David applied for another job. David had another interview. David didn't get the job.

I know God has a plan. After the last few year, I had better know that God has a plan. I have seen it again and again. I have seen how His timing is perfect. I have seen over and over how He knows what is coming, and I do not. I have seen how He cushions my fall. I know that God's plan is so much more perfect than my most desperate desires ever are.

I have to admit though. I struggle right now with wondering whether my total reliance on him is that, complete and utter broken reliance, or if I have gotten a kind of attitude in my heart, "okay God, whatever you want." I don't want it to be that at all. Ever ever ever. But it can be hard in my human sinfulness to be prayerfully, honestly broken and reliant. But I have to be, because I can't do it without him.

I want David to get a job. I want him to get one now. For our family, for his self esteem, for his feeling of "usefullness." Even though having him home is AMAZING and I love knowing that Penny is with us, her parents, a lot, I want him to get work. But I want him to get the right job, in the right timing, in God's perfect timing. Who knows what I don't? God does.

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