Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Looking Back

“Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the worlds thy hands have made. I see the stars. I hear the rolling thunder, thy power throughout the universe displayed. Then sings my soul, my savior God to thee, How great thou art. How great thou art.”

These are words from my favorite hymn. It has been my favorite for as long as I can remember.
Three years ago, I almost died from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I had already been trying to have a baby for two years. I praised God that I still had my life. I worshipped him for his goodness. I mourned my loss. But God was good.

Two years and nine months ago, my uncle died tragically and unexpectedly. While swimming with his 15 year old daughter in lake Shasta in deep water, he had a heart attack and drowned. He was 49. I was shocked. I was saddened. I mourned with my family and I knew, God is good. God is great. Oh how great thou art.

Two and a half years ago, my husband, David, lost his job. I did not know then that he would still be looking for work today. I still do not know what the journey ahead is like. But I know that God is good. His timing is perfect. How great Thou art!

Two years and four months ago, exactly nine months after my ectopic pregnancy, I had another miscarriage. My heart was broken. I was broken. I sometimes felt without hope. But still I knew, God is good, and he is God. He loves me.

Two years and 3 months ago, my mother fell down the stairs at our house. A dresser landed on top of her.

She never got up, not really, again.

Two years and 2 months ago, my mom, at 48 years of age, passed away. I was sad. I was angry. I felt attacked. I felt empty. I felt a lot of things, but I knew that God is good.

“When sorrows like sea billows roll… it is well, it is well with my soul.”

“You give and take away. You give and take away. Still my heart will say, blessed be your name.”

One year and nine months ago, we decided to move in with my dad. Financially, we needed it. Emotionally, he needed it. Has it been perfect? No. But God is good.

One year ago, my daughter was born. My sweet sweet Penelope. With a fire in her belly, with a stubborn determination to do all, to conquer all, with a love for learning, with a pensive stare, she is my sweet sweet gift from God. He is so good.

My brother is in prison for drug use related crimes. It saddens me. But I pray that God will work through this. God is so good.

I do not know what the future holds. What hills? What valleys? What deserts? What oasis will there be? It does not matter because I know, so deeply, that God is good, that His timing is perfect, that because of His love, “it is well with my soul.”