Wednesday, February 24, 2010

No regrets

I didn't set out on the homeowner's journey ever in my wild dreams thinking that it would turn out like this. I saw our purchase as one of risk-- buying a house always is. I knew we might lose value in the house. I knew that our budget would be stretched thin at times. I knew all of that. I didn't know that David would become unemployed for so long. I didn't know that my mom would die. I didn't know that my world would be turned upside down by emergency surgery and two miscarriages in less than a year. I didn't know that our whole country's home market would crash like it did. A dip... yeah, a big dip, maybe; one like this... who knew?

Through it all I have learned to have a lot of faith in God''s plan. I have learned... I have come to actually KNOW, that his timing is perfect. Sure, I "knew" it before, but I KNOW it now.We tried so hard to do the right thing. We tried so hard to pay the debt we had incurred. We tried so hard to make ends meet however we could. But it didn't work. Sometimes our best human efforts are just not enough.

And I am sorry to the people or the bank behind our mortgage. And I am sorry to my neighbors who invested in me. And I am sorry about the massive inconvenience to friends who this touches. I hope that our actions have eased the difficulty as much as possible. I just don't know what to say. Our frail human actions just often aren't enough.

So there it is. Today when I got the call that our short sale had been approved, I was elated-- and relieved-- and hopeful for the relief-- and sad that my current homeowner's dream was finally ending-- and nervous that it won't go through.

So many emotions. I had to write them down, get them out. Why is it there aren't simple emotions anymore? Why must they be a whirlwind?

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