Thank You

Penelope, come say "Thank You" to Grandpa.

Pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter

Can you say "Thank you?"

NNNNoooo!

Say "Thank you."

Smile.  No!........... More!

If you say "Thank you."

No!

Thank you can be hard to say.

Invitations: Check

I couldn't help it.  Once they are in the mail, I won't see them again.  But I couldn't help it.

This party has been brought to you by the number 2 and the letter P.  So who gets air time?  Big Bird, Penelope's favorite?  Of course!  Bert and Ernie?  Duh!  Oscar, how can you not love the grouch?

And what about Cookie and Elmo?  Well, I love cookie monster, and the kiddies love Elmo, so, there it is.

So I cut out the card stock, got out the sharpie and the googlie eyes, did a little gluing and voila, invitations.

Smiles.

Success

I have very little to say on the matter right now but this:

Success is sweetest when the perceived outcome is doubted by the vocal, and when it involves achieving good for others.

Big Decisions

So, for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I have always valued the sacrifices that it takes to have a stay at home mom, and I believe that no one will care for your child the same way that you will.  I also know that it is not always possible for that to happen.

David and I have been really struggling for the last 3 years.  He has been struggling to find consistent work in his field, and I have been struggling with my desires to work part time or not at all and the conviction that I could be and should be doing more for my family financially.

Then it hit me.

Someone at church said that because of the nature of escrow, his mom had been in and out of work for the last 17 years.

A good friend made a fleeting mention of David being a stay at home dad.

And he would be a good one.  To be honest, he probably does better housework than I do.  He loves and plays with our daughter.  He is great with infants.  And he has never gone to school.

This could be our chance.

Sure, I don't want to give up my dreams of raising my children from birth, day in and day out.  Sure, he doesn't want to give up the idea of working full time.  But it seems so clear.  So. Very. Clear.  I can support our family.  He can get his bachelor's degree and special ed teaching credential (a job he would be a rock star at, a job that is stable, and a job that has summer off and a good retirement).  In the 8 year time period that that would take (part time student)  our children would have a stay at home parent.

Problem solved.

Except now I have to get my heart in the right place.  So does he.  But God is working.  God is faithful.  And this all just makes sense.

Tina

Family can be a blessing.  Family can be difficult.  Found family, however, is different because it has been chosen, and because it fits just right.

Tomorrow, we lose our Tina, our grandma Tina.  She goes back to Denmark.  She goes back to her family, her son, her mother, her brother and niece.

She is the grandma that my mom would have been.  And that warms my heart. 

I will miss her.

Penelope will miss her.

We won't see her for at least a couple of years.  But no matter.  We have had her here, and will always have her in our hearts.

giving thanks

This thanksgiving marks 7 years since David and I officially started dating, seven years since God brought a gift to me.  David is my balance, my support, my quiet in the storm.  In our struggles, while God taught us and molded us and shaped us, David stood by me, loved me, was strong for me.

I don't know if many would describe him as strong.  But he is so strong.  He is so patiently steadily strong.

This thanksgiving, I am thankful for him.

This thanksgiving is my second with my miracle Penelope.  With only one fallopian tube and two lost babies, God gave me my miracle.  She is funny.  She is beautiful with her big blue eyes and her expressive face.  She loves to read and observe the world around her.  She is a quiet and loving baby who blesses us with her life.

I don't know what my life would have been like with my two lost little ones, but I know that I love being a mommy for Penelope.

This thanksgiving I am thankful for her.

This thanksgiving marks my third without my mom.  I miss her.  I miss her vibrancy.  i miss her smile.  I miss her passion.  I miss seeing my dad's joy when they were together.  But I have my family here.  I have a peace that comes with working together, laughing together, cooking together.  I love my siblings, my dad, and my family.

I don't know how my mom would be doing had she survived, but I know that she has survived through her mark on each of us.

This thanksgiving, I am thankful for family and legacy.

This thanksgiving, I thank God for all of his blessings.  Those I see and those I do not.  I thank Him for the ways he works daily in my life, and I pray that he would open my eyes to His providence and love for me.

Stuff

A box of faded photographs, newspaper
Clippings of friends long lost,
Letters never sent, cards never received,
Letters never answered.
College notes from 1953 all scribbled
On paper-thin paper, brittle with age,
And a napkin.  A napkin about Columbus
And his fourth trip back and his poverty stricken death.
A summer college report card of C.

I feel her emotional poverty.
I feel her restraint, her fear, her hesitation
And I know I have never known the real her
And I wonder if anyone has.
And I wonder if she has.

This woman that life has beat up;
This woman that no one really sees;
This uprooted woman who has left behind
Herself in piles of paper and forgotten keepsakes;
This woman who raised my mother
But from an uncontrolled distance,
And was alive at her funeral and present, but so far away;
This woman who is not old, just ask her;
This woman who could not put her finger
On a positive memory;
This woman is my grandmother.

I do not throw her away when I throw away her things.
I throw away her shadow and her heartbreak.
I  hope that in her newfound garden
She will flourish.  I hope but do not expect,
Because I know that while she is a beautiful flower,
She is forever broken inside.